-the blue sari -
saw the blue sari
blowing behind Vespa grey
and knew I was here
saw the blue sari
blowing behind Vespa grey
and knew I was here
- Mahatma Ghandi Bus Station -
God, it smells like piss
Telugu script brown skin stare
and open hands ask
- Nalgonda Boy's Government School -
The boys know what is...
and I'm here to change that...
Help is just a word.
***inspired by the poetry previously posted on this blog, i decided to take a crack. my brain doesn't understand poetry so, when writing it, i access it via the most efficient and easy route = the haiku***
3 comments:
Haikus are easy and efficient? I couldn't disagree more; I think they're maddeningly frustrating and it's nearly impossible to write a really proper, graceful one.
That said I think you did well on the second one. Love the pacing in the first line - slam dunk comma. For whatever reason I flip the words "script" and "brown" in my head whenever I read the 2nd line. The last line is just plain enough to be pretty.
hmm i might need a comma after Telugu script to make it flow better. i agree on the affinity for the second one - i like it a lot more than the others. i think the images and feelings attached to the others were stronger for me, but i did a less admirable job with phrasing there. will keep at it. thanks for the read J. Zitta.
i'm particularly a fan of the 2nd haiku.
also, i think you should in no way say you cannot write poetry when you definitely have the imagination, the eye, the creative passion, dare i say -- the CHUTZPAH to detect the many beautiful poetic lines the world/life reveals daily. keep 'em comin'.
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