A good, swift, violent story

From The Postman Always Rings Twice by James Cain:


"You talk like it was all right."
"Who's going to know if it's all right or not, but you and me?"
"You and me."
"That's it, Frank. That's all that matters, isn't it? Not you and me and the road, or anything else but you and me."
"You must be a hell cat, though. You couldn't make me feel like this if you weren't."
"That's what we're going to do. Kiss me, Frank. On the mouth."
I kissed her. Her eyes were shining up at me like two blue stars. It was like being in church.

Who's Afraid of Ingmar Bergman?

I'm afraid of Ingmar Bergman.

The last three episodes of the Scenes From a Marriage miniseries have been sitting on my coffee table for almost a week now and I just can't bring myself to watch them. I've seen some unsettling films over the years; gruesome crimes; wanton animal slaughter and rape; pregnant women forcibly Caesarianed; Marlon Brando whispering sick-sweet nothings; Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.


But Marianne and Johan make me shiver.

I finished the first three episodes (over an uneasy five day span) and had to open all the windows and watch half a dozen mid-period Woody Allen movies (same themes and questions but mostly happy endings) just to feel right again.

Over two hours of gorgeously lit close-ups of Liv Ullman (most expressive face in cinema?) and Erland Josephson in their suddenly cruel relationship and I don't have any idea just when it started to go wrong but I do know that I'm not sure if I want to find out how it ends.

Two nights ago I opted to watch a Holocaust film instead. I thought it would be less emotionally jarring.

"I'm not angry, just disappointed"

Just as I was starting to develop a semi-earnest interest in the election I came across this stultifying bit of news:

Obama Supporters Take His Name as Their Own

I might be more inclined to vote if I didn't run the risk of standing in line next to idiots like these.

Don't be offended. I have had a bad week.

So my father ended up in the hospital yesterday. He has COPD (Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) from smoking. Basically one of his lungs isn't working so well and he will probably be on oxygen from now on. As a result of this our (my mother, father and myself) arrival back to New England will be delayed by an undetermined number of days. In the meantime I have been feeling rather creative. After watching an episode of "True Life: I Work In The Sex Industry" my brother, David and I were inspired by one subject, a young man named Aaron who did gay porn, blew dudes, took cum shots to the face, etc. but was convinced that this wasn't "homosexual" and in fact it was just " a day job" and he "does it for the money". Aaron was conflicted about this complex he had and so he decided to tell all of his friends and family the truth about his "job". As a result no one really thought it was that great and everyone agreed that in fact it was "Gay". One man sucking on another man's erect penis is gay. There is no argument. So I decided to come up with some possible gay porn movie titles (inspired by actual Hollywood movies). Boredom increased and the titles expanded to heterosexual porn titles and even some possible porn television shows. Here is a list of some of my favorite titles:

"Butt Pirates of the Caribbean"
"Lord of the Cock Rings"
"Who Flamed Roger Rabbit?"
"Bum Rush Hour (1,2,3)"
"A Cockwork Orange"
"Good Will Grunting"
"Assablanca"
"Hot Teen Boyz in the Hood"
"Homo Alone"
"Homo Alone 2: Lost in the Pork"
"Citizen Cum Stain"
"Finding Nympho" or "Fucking Nemo"
"Monster Balls"
"Meat the Parents"
"Around the World With 80 Gays"
"Gayzed and Confused"
"Glory Hole Road"
"The Fast and the Curious: Tokyo Stiffies"
"Field of Wet Dreams"
"Gay Pride and Prejudice"
"Gaylords of Dogtown"
"There Will Be Studs/Cum"
"Malcolm XXX"
"The Trannysporter"
"The Tranny Diaries"
"Riding Miss Daisy"
"One in the Stink, Two in the Pink Panther"
"Bi-Bi Love"
"Primal Queer"
"Uncle Buckwild"
"The Bath House on the Left"
"The Chronicles of Big Dick"
"I Know Who You Did Last Summer"
"The Girl With the Pearl Necklace"
"Requiem for a Cream Pie"
"Hardened State"
"Peeing on John Malkovich"
"Five Easy Pieces (of Ass)"
"John Tucker Must Likes Guys"
"Romeo Must Be Bi"
"Rub Down and Out in LA"
"Limpseabisucuit"
"A Few Gay Men"--you can't handle the cock!
"Freak Me Friday"
"Fifty First Date Rapes"
"Mona Lisa's Wild"
"Ferris Bueler Gets Off"
"The Gang Bangs of New York"
"Ass Blast From the Past"
"Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter Gives Great Head" or "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Hot"
"Dante Peeks"
"Lake Flacid"
"Mary Cockblockins"
"Missionary Position Impossile"
"Sword Fight Club"
"Saturday Night Beaver"
"There's Something Inside Mary"
"20,000 Leagues Under the Seamen"
"Lost in Penetration"
"The Longest Nards"
"Nookie of the Year"
"Barely Legally Blond"


It's rather easy (I think to see which movies I am porn-parodying). See if you can come up with some. It's fun!