I Forgive You

Fuck due process. In lieu of an investigation, the groundswell of critical acclaim and public goodwill attached to anything Dark Knight has effectively absolved Christian Bale of any wrongdoing in his maternal assault case and even subtly shifted blame to the alleged victim. Mr. Bale has-been-through-a-lot and how dare his mother and sister not only demand money from him but also badmouth his dear sweet wife. Appalling. Only Mr. Bale's heroic sense of honor and self-control kept him from righteously murdering the pair right on the spot.

This whole sad story reminded me of an incident in my own life involving Christian Bale, a mother (my own), and assault (imagined). As a child I was always an outspoken critic of any and all musicals and would confidently denounce any musical (unseen) as complete trash. One day as I sat watching a VHS copy of Newsies for the fiftieth or so time, my mother walked in and casually remarked that it was odd that I enjoyed THAT musical so much. She left me alone and there, on the living room floor, I felt for the first time in my young life the embarrassed shame of the hypocrite exposed. Things have never been the same between us.

Newsies? I finished the movie and though it's probably been more than a decade since I've seen it, I still regard it with the same nostalgic fondness as I do The Rocketeer (check the Richmond Public Library slip - #122 monopolized their copy in the early '90s). In retrospect, Newsies is not only a musical but also a not especially good musical. Even the film's star, Christian Bale, is wryly embarrassed by his role; apparently he signed on to the project before it was a musical and 17 year old actors yearning to be taken seriously aren't proud of singing and dancing in period costume. For all of these flaws, what made Newsies great?

1. Gang violence - turn of the century newsboys were a violent lot. Who doesn't like a good dance off ending in a throw down street brawl? My first cinematic exposure to brass knuckles being put to use. Disney!
   
2. That girl who kinda looks like Jennifer Connelly - lead newsie Jack Kelly runs his game on his best friend's smoking hot sister. Admirable stuff.
   
3. Burlesque shows - newsies barely older than me spent their evenings hanging out backstage at racy variety shows where hookers swung around on giant swings over the audience. I sat on the living room floor watching live action musicals.
   
4. Cool nicknames - Spot, Crutchy, Boots, Mush, Specs, Dutchy. At the time I was going by "Josh."
5. Disgustingly catchy tunes - a YouTube comment that fails to cite a source claims that Christian Bale says he still has "Santa Fe" (below) stuck in his head sixteen years later. I feel the same way.